I hate political arguments. I hate the vitriol spouted by both sides with nary a thought to what the other side is saying. I try to ignore politics whenever possible, but that becomes unrealistic when politics have seeped into every avenue of our culture. I like books and hockey. And maybe a few TV shows. That’s it. That’s the extent of my ties to pop culture. When I can’t read an interview with an athlete or actor without getting political statements on where they stand about this or that social issue, I’m tempted to give up on entertainment entirely.

Instead, I’m gonna vent. Because that’s what we do now. We complain until someone listens to us. If they still refuse to listen, we call them a racist or a fascist or a liberal and say we won the argument. Public discourse is dead. Social media has killed it. Free thought is dead. Political Correctness has killed it.

Let’s start with a few (seemingly) obvious facts. Racism is stupid. Hating someone because of the color of their skin is absurd. There are so many other reasons to dislike people once you get to know them, why take shortcuts? Protesting the national anthem and the flag is stupid. If I don’t like one aspect of this country, I’m going to protest a symbol of the country as a whole. Great idea. No chance for misinterpretation there. Why not take it one step further? Shitty things happen in the world, so I’m going to take a knee any time I see a globe or a map of the world.

Let’s follow that action to its logical conclusion:

Me: (sees a globe, takes a knee)

You: What are you doing?

Me: I’m protesting.

You: What are you protesting?

Me: Cats.

You: The musical?

Me: No. House cats. I hate them, and they’re a part of the world, so I’m protesting this globe. Although, now that you mention it, I’m not a fan of musical theater either. I’m also protesting musical theater.

You: So you’re anti-homosexual?

Me: No. What? Why would you say that? I just don’t like musical theater.

You: Historically, musical theater has been populated largely with homosexuals.

Me: Clearly those are your issues and not mine. I just don’t like musical theater or house cats. It couldn’t be more obvious that by taking a knee against the globe, I am against house cats. In fact, forget the musical theater thing. I don’t really hate it, I’m just not that into it.

You: What about lions and tigers?

Me: Lions yes. Tigers no. Tigers are cool.

 

So what has my stupidly-conceived activism accomplished? Absolutely nothing, except to get more attention for myself. By my having to explain a wholly generic action, I can take the podium anytime I want and turn any act into a protest.

Example: An apple a day keeps the doctor away. From now on, every time I eat an apple, I’m protesting the health care system.

Me (eating an apple)

You: How’s that apple?

Me: It tastes like fascism.

You: What’s fascism taste like?

Me: It tastes like the tears of millions of children who can’t afford healthcare.

You (slowly backing away): Okay.

 

But now it’s not enough to just back away from the conversation or ignore the protest. You have to take a side. Why aren’t you eating an apple? Do you hate children?

In my hometown alone, there were numerous ludicrous debates this week about sports or politics or Black Lives Matter. The debate is about so many things that it is effectively about nothing. No one is sure anymore.

For instance, a single Pittsburgh Steeler was shown saluting the flag during the national anthem, mainly because he was the one caught on camera while the rest of the team were in the tunnel a few feet away. And he happened to be a military veteran. Now he is either vilified for not supporting…something…or being hailed a hero for taking a stand against….that same something? A different something? House cats? I don’t know.

At the same time, the Pittsburgh Penguins are being criticized for accepting an invite to the White House, just like every other championship hockey team has done. Forget the fact that it’s a long-standing tradition, or that they’ve accepted similar invitations in the past from both republican and democratic presidents. Now they’ve made a stand by doing what they’ve always done. They can’t just eat an apple when they want, because by doing so they’ve displayed intentions that are solely in the mind of the observer. The analogy is insane, but only because the original premise is insane. And the craziest part is that I appear to be in the minority in thinking it’s insane.

What the hell happened?

This insanity didn’t start with President Trump or the Black Lives Matter movement or anything else in recent memory. There were tiny steps along the way that foreshadowed what was coming, but we didn’t correct our course then, and it’s too late now. We’re stuck in the insanity. We have a president that starts Twitter wars with a football league while the country is on the brink of an actual fucking war. We have BLM activists stating that anyone who is white is inherently a racist. Well that’s a great way to start a conversation about race, by telling the other side that no matter what they do or say, they will always be the opponent. They will always be the enemy by virtue of the color of their skin. As an argument against racism. Got that? Let me be clearer: there is racism in this country because of the color of the other side’s skin. That’s useful. The KKK has been saying that for years. Should we have just listened to them?

It’s the same with any -ism: socialism, feminism, racism. One side takes up a position and makes it impossible for there to be middle ground. If you’re a woman and you’re against abortion, you can’t possibly be a feminist. Because there is one issue on which you don’t conform to the agenda of the movement, you cannot be a part of the movement. Does anyone else see the irony in that the most elitist policies often are enacted by the most “progressive” movements?

I’d ask where you draw the line, but the truth is that there is no line anymore.

That’s the activist mindset run amok. It makes an issue of everything, but it solves nothing.

There are real issues here. Black people do suffer police brutality at alarmingly higher rates than white people. That’s a race issue. It’s also a policing issue. And a socioeconomic issue. Women do make less money for the same work as men. That’s a gender issue. It’s also a cultural issue. These are societal problems that can be addressed. These are problems that may never be fully solved, but they can at least be lessened. All we need are intelligent, rational human beings on both sides willing to sit down and work together to do so.

There are smart people trying to do real good in the Black Lives Matter movement. There are rational people in the Trump administration that are trying to make the world a better place. For almost every -ism, whether you’re for or against, there is room for an honest, helpful, difficult conversation to work towards a solution.

To solve any problem, we need people who are willing to set aside the activist mindset and have a real dialogue. But good luck with that. In the current climate, that might be the most insane idea of all.

 

P.S. If you like what you’ve read, please share it on social media.

P.P.S. Just kidding. I don’t give a shit if you share it. Or, come to think of it, if you like it.

P.P.P.S. Full disclosure: I actually like cats. I just like dogs more. That doesn’t make me a cat-ist. Or a dog-ist. I’m not sure which is which.

P.P.P.P.S. I really don’t like musical theater. According to my one gay friend, that doesn’t make me anti-LGBT.

P.P.P.P.P.S. My one gay friend is also black. You could technically say that I’m lazy by checking off multiple categories with just one friend, but it doesn’t make me a racist.

P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I have a black and an orange cat. Two separate cats: One is black, the other is orange. Not one cat that is both orange and black. That would freak me out. I may be slightly racist toward cats.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Are P.S.’s even a thing anymore? I feel like I’m dating myself. I should have used footnotes.

 

 

 

You can follow me if you want updates on new blog posts, books, or whatever else I may be working on. I have no idea when the next update will be. Could be next week. Could be next year. I’ll probably be drunk. You’ll be able to tell from the typos. There’s a Contact button for you to click around here somewhere. I don’t think any of the other buttons work…